| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2009|11:42 am] |
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bluepointsummer.blogspot.com |
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| OH! BABY! |
[Jan. 2nd, 2008|08:47 pm] |
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my spelling doesnt get better only worse and my typewriter is very dusty in what one would call a corner if one were set on presenting everything with a proper name. im thinking about late night Canal St. (how it empties!) drives all by myself, and my urge to intensify every experience with VANITY. and by VANITY, i mean you and all my masochistic impulses in your direction. 100 hundred blocks, a forty five minute train, two subway lines and all my endeavors end with pathetic self-pity in the back of a yellow cab (rolling rock green lights sucked up through straws). And this time when i tell the driver, 'brooklyn, fast,' i am so sad to see him do it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|06:50 pm] |
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the north easter wasnt nearly as fun as promised. sunday was sopranoes and sutter home- entourage and immersing ourselves in flood water. i want you and the moon and vanity fair photo spreads littering the floor. i want warm days and my new car. how bout you cupcake? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|01:25 pm] |
have been drowning myself in movies lately/have been trying hard not to dredge things up. sometimes we attain certain levels of maturity and sometimes more than others people are not able to keep up.
the weathers been this muggy thunder hard rain shit for days. ive been to incessant parties where regardless of the lightening and rain we continue to play outside beer pong and sit on the keg. an ingenius generation we are. all possibility of death aside//we want to get wasted. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|11:14 am] |
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its good to feel like things are finally being accomplished. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|10:23 am] |
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so look back and realize three steps are not enough and that the gaps in my emotions get longer and wider. i dont throw myself down on the ground in hysterics but i dont really have that much fun either. from time to time people decide they really want to read and understand me- from time to time i feel degraded. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|10:00 pm] |
my three steps to getting better:
1. no drinking
2. no turner
3. no 'kill yourself' music.
i dont know which will be the hardest. |
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| for lack of anything |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|03:45 pm] |
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for lack of privacy i need somewhere to go. i skip every single class to feel nothing. apathetic in class apathetic in lunch apathetic in the commons apathetic in the pouring rain on my ride home. its the bone chill winter always brings that gets me worst. its been five days since i smoked last. |
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| what i really what to know |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|12:26 am] |
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i could do this all day. and i do. i want to be perceptive and open and completely feeling but fuck it. again we all start the same way we began and ill just smile until these injustices are through. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:11 pm] |
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so like fifty, i got hit. yes i was wounded while skipping class. the day was far too nice for fucking algebra II concepts so i stayed on the courtyard sunning and singing and smiling when SUDDENLY i was hit. in the ribs. by a bebe gun. mmmmmmmmm this is the sneak preview of my midlife crisis. ive gone insane for want of affection. i get it and feel cheated. "MOTHER NATURE'S A WHORE", said the shotgun to the head. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|07:31 pm] |
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where is here and do i really want to be there and is there any hope of being somewhere in the future? WHY WONT ANYONE MAKE THIS EASY? |
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| PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED LIVING |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|07:19 pm] |
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my mom is throwing away all of our food because of partially hydrogenated soy bean oil. any bean oil. everything in life is bad for you god help me it is so exhausting to live. i wanna believe in heaven so that i know when i finally die from all the shitty things on earth, ill have somewhere relaxing to go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|03:25 pm] |
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i want meaning and ambition, warm hands and compromised security. i want my friends to be honest and sincere and i dont want to think about it anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|12:51 pm] |
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im sad cause i was ready to get savage last night and everyone rained on my parade. so i kept the feather and trudged bravely on only to find that no matter how much i drank i just couldnt get wasted. we caught a ride home with some kids from aberdeen and i felt bad because my boney butt was squishing some poor stranger and the only thing stranger than the lack of saturation was the line up. what a weird weird group of people. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|02:15 pm] |
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theres something about living that consumes me with fear. im not scared of actual people just the fact that each minute passes by and i am introverted. ill never get those minutes back, especially the ones when we were infinite. im scared of living scared of dying scared that i am going to do this whole breathing thing just as half assed as i do everything else. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|05:51 pm] |
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I AM CONSUMED WITH THOUGHTS OF FEBRUARY 29th. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|07:24 pm] |
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my dad gets frequent customer gifts from maker's mark bourbon. they are sent to ambassador zarella. hm. |
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| EVERYONES SAYING DIFFERENT THINGS TO ME |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|06:31 pm] |
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mmmm this weekend wasnt normal and i loved it. things get weird but thats inevitable. TILLY AND THE WALL PHILLY GOING BACK TO MY RED BANK ROOTS. this calls for a celebration. dont watch suicide club itll make you wanna vomit. |
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| ITS NO SURPRISE TO ME I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|06:41 pm] |
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how quickly moods can change. real quick it can go from a good time to BULLSHIT. im sick of rbr and all the crazy neurotic crazy people that seem to think everything depends on their ability to be psychotic. fuck what i said, it dont mean shit now. |
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carboratorsighs's journal