when there's no where left to go

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:42:58 GMT

bluepointsummer.blogspot.com

OH! BABY!

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:54:51 GMT

my spelling doesnt get better only worse and my typewriter is very dusty in what one would call a corner if one were set on presenting everything with a proper name. im thinking about late night Canal St. (how it empties!) drives all by myself, and my urge to intensify every experience with VANITY. and by VANITY, i mean you and all my masochistic impulses in your direction. 100 hundred blocks, a forty five minute train, two subway lines and all my endeavors end with pathetic self-pity in the back of a yellow cab (rolling rock green lights sucked up through straws). And this time when i tell the driver, 'brooklyn, fast,' i am so sad to see him do it.

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 22:57:58 GMT

the north easter wasnt nearly as fun as promised. sunday was sopranoes and sutter home- entourage and immersing ourselves in flood water. i want you and the moon and vanity fair photo spreads littering the floor. i want warm days and my new car. how bout you cupcake?

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 17:25:07 GMT

have been drowning myself in movies lately/have been trying hard not to dredge things up. sometimes we attain certain levels of maturity and sometimes more than others people are not able to keep up.

the weathers been this muggy thunder hard rain shit for days. ive been to incessant parties where regardless of the lightening and rain we continue to play outside beer pong and sit on the keg. an ingenius generation we are. all possibility of death aside//we want to get wasted.

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 15:15:02 GMT

its good to feel like things are finally being accomplished.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 14:23:08 GMT

so look back and realize three steps are not enough and that the gaps in my emotions get longer and wider. i dont throw myself down on the ground in hysterics but i dont really have that much fun either. from time to time people decide they really want to read and understand me- from time to time i feel degraded.

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 03:01:06 GMT

my three steps to getting better:
1. no drinking
2. no turner
3. no 'kill yourself' music.

i dont know which will be the hardest.

for lack of anything

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 19:47:56 GMT

for lack of privacy i need somewhere to go. i skip every single class to feel nothing. apathetic in class apathetic in lunch apathetic in the commons apathetic in the pouring rain on my ride home. its the bone chill winter always brings that gets me worst. its been five days since i smoked last.

what i really what to know

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 04:28:21 GMT

i could do this all day. and i do. i want to be perceptive and open and completely feeling but fuck it. again we all start the same way we began and ill just smile until these injustices are through.

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 00:14:20 GMT

so like fifty, i got hit. yes i was wounded while skipping class. the day was far too nice for fucking algebra II concepts so i stayed on the courtyard sunning and singing and smiling when SUDDENLY i was hit. in the ribs. by a bebe gun. mmmmmmmmm this is the sneak preview of my midlife crisis. ive gone insane for want of affection. i get it and feel cheated. "MOTHER NATURE'S A WHORE", said the shotgun to the head.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 23:33:19 GMT

where is here and do i really want to be there and is there any hope of being somewhere in the future? WHY WONT ANYONE MAKE THIS EASY?

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 05:40:35 GMT

COACHES BET RIP.

PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED LIVING

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 00:22:55 GMT

my mom is throwing away all of our food because of partially hydrogenated soy bean oil. any bean oil. everything in life is bad for you god help me it is so exhausting to live. i wanna believe in heaven so that i know when i finally die from all the shitty things on earth, ill have somewhere relaxing to go.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:28:08 GMT

i want meaning and ambition, warm hands and compromised security. i want my friends to be honest and sincere and i dont want to think about it anymore.

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 17:55:09 GMT

im sad cause i was ready to get savage last night and everyone rained on my parade. so i kept the feather and trudged bravely on only to find that no matter how much i drank i just couldnt get wasted. we caught a ride home with some kids from aberdeen and i felt bad because my boney butt was squishing some poor stranger and the only thing stranger than the lack of saturation was the line up. what a weird weird group of people.

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 19:17:51 GMT

theres something about living that consumes me with fear. im not scared of actual people just the fact that each minute passes by and i am introverted. ill never get those minutes back, especially the ones when we were infinite. im scared of living scared of dying scared that i am going to do this whole breathing thing just as half assed as i do everything else.

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 22:52:51 GMT

I AM CONSUMED WITH THOUGHTS OF FEBRUARY 29th.

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 00:25:17 GMT

my dad gets frequent customer gifts from maker's mark bourbon. they are sent to ambassador zarella. hm.

EVERYONES SAYING DIFFERENT THINGS TO ME

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 23:33:08 GMT

mmmm this weekend wasnt normal and i loved it. things get weird but thats inevitable. TILLY AND THE WALL PHILLY GOING BACK TO MY RED BANK ROOTS. this calls for a celebration. dont watch suicide club itll make you wanna vomit.

ITS NO SURPRISE TO ME I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 23:46:10 GMT

how quickly moods can change. real quick it can go from a good time to BULLSHIT. im sick of rbr and all the crazy neurotic crazy people that seem to think everything depends on their ability to be psychotic. fuck what i said, it dont mean shit now.

i get weird when im honest with myself.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 23:04:32 GMT

most days, my thoughts are just big dreams, each breath a forum to contemplate meaning.I look for gaps in time and structure, climb through missing windows and bare my soul. I drip saline and time stops just long enough to drop with me. Preoccupied in my dizzy search for reality, I crash cars and parties and cans on the concrete. I’m a mess of today and yesterday reflecting un-admirable traits and unworn paths with no dividers or boundaries knowing it is unrealistic to assume that every heart beats like mine: so unsteady and violent,irrational and passionate. feeling through memories to find that yesterday has passed in an uneven succession, time wasted for pure destruction. I do not breathe or think or condemn the thoughts of others but I record each step I take until I can no longer remember faces and names just the number of steps they are from where I started. I swallow every bit of human intimacy I have ever possessed and its slides silent down my throat destined for nothing. I take every human quality I posses and conform it. that same blank location keeps my emotions on a strict schedule, my understanding limited to a few brief subjects. while time fades into multifaceted bliss I still struggle with the acceptance of yesterday rightfully I cringe at things I don’t understand and close my eyes to beauty. I accept no one’s teachings and wander head down into aquamarine voids of confinement. I sit desolate with no desire for companionship I disregard my thoughts and selfishly remain unaware of distant weather patterns. I make love to language, savoring the spiraling confusion. confidence surrounds me. I am a reminder of eternal sadness and hopeless interpretations with no where to go. I win eternally and unconsciously. vibrancy dismissed for rationality.

I DONT WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME. GET YOUR FUCKING WORLD OUT OF MY HEAD.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 00:20:36 GMT

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME IN WHENEVER YOU WANT AND ASK ME FOR THINGS. WELL YOURE RIGHT AND THATS WHY I CANT STAND MYSELF. I LIED WHEN I SMILED.

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 19:56:40 GMT

found a picture of my mom when she was younger at one of her birthday parties. she is sitting next to a keg with an oversized wine glass full of beer wearing one of those plastic top hats. i am my mother. i wonder if she ever wanted to leave this place or if it was her intention to stay all along.

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 02:26:37 GMT

memories arent good for anything. they only make you miss. good thing mine is limited. in fiftyfour days ill be a free woman.

ever take it off any sweet jumps?

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 02:32:48 GMT

detention is the best part of my day. i sit and relax and listen to everyone fight with ms hughs. theres a million people in this world thats why the pretentiousness of everyone around me makes me angry.